The Greatest Movie Ever Made

The Grandest Illusion Ever Played

When I was very young I came up with this heinous idea that would follow me through out the rest of my life.  I was seven,  and I created a lemonade stand. I was walking from my home to the lawn when suddenly I became deathly afraid as I became aware that my perception was cracked wide open. Life appeared fake and I was watching every move I made from somewhere that was not through my own physical two eyes. Even the fact that I was alive in this environment was so strange to little me. I all of a sudden felt very separate from anyone around me… even from my own body and mind. (Doesn’t this sound like the definition of Depersonalization Disorder?)

At that moment and from then on, I kept a close eye on others lives growing up around me in elementary, middle school and high school. I realized that the scenes going on around me appeared just that- scenes. Those around me were actors of their own lives. They were so engulfed in the acting, that they forgot who they truly are as eternal beings. I even found myself consciously choosing to try and step into the scene, because it looked fun to do every once in a while. In doing so, I realized that I answered a certain question. “Why, if we know everything, would we choose to forget it?”… it’s so fun and thrilling to delve into learning and experiencing things in this way. Most of the time though, I preferred to sit back, with out speaking, and observe the people around me.

I came to realize how exactly it was that I was viewing the world. Most every person lived with in a certain theme because a lifetime on earth is like going to a movie… You pick the movie that you want to see and there are genres. You could choose into romance, horror, drama, tragedy, comedy, simple and quaint plotted- depending on what you want to experience… you even find the types of movies that are comedies and tragedies at the same time, the type of movie that you aren’t sure whether to laugh or cry in. You have the ability to forget that it’s only a movie and you become completely immersed in the storyline, essentially forgetting yourself. You have the ability to stay conscious of this fact though too. Sometimes you fall in and out of knowing. Some people have gotten up in order to leave early if it gets too hard or scary, while others have figured out that they can get up at any point and choose a new genre if they feel like it. There is nothing wrong with anything you choose.

Could it be the Ego that defines whether you are immersing yourself or observing?

As much as I would love to expand on this subject and let it unfold more, you may find yourself expanding your understandings in this area all on your own and I am here and ready to listen to and discuss your discoveries!
**Just remember that you have full ability, whenever you wish during this movie, to turn the lights on and become aware of reality once more … and not everyone wants to be interrupted during their show, so be aware.  ;)

Eternal light,

Victoria Hope McLellan (Patchgirl)

Victoriahopemclellan@gmail.com

 

 

 

Comments

  1. It’s good to know that other people are familiar with this. I developed the same perspective once I started experimenting with drugs. Sometimes I don’t want to watch any movies at all and I actually get irked when people try to coerce me to join them. They don’t seem to understand. Lately though I’ve been focusing on making my own movie and it’s been very satisfying.

  2. Hej!

    Awesome story, this is simply amazing! When I was a kid (6-7 years old I think), I sometimes had this exact experience. The way you describe it is so precise. I have often tried telling my friends and family about this experience, but I could never explain it well enough.

    “Suddenly I became deathly afraid as I became aware that my perception was cracked wide open. Life appeared fake and I was watching every move I made from somewhere that was not through my own physical two eyes. Even the fact that I was alive in this environment was so strange to little me. I all of a sudden felt very separate from anyone around me… even from my own body and mind.”

    This is so spot on!

    My experience with this was that I could call upon this “feeling” when I wanted to, all I had to do was, in my mind ask myself who I really was and why, a couple of times. Even though this frightened, it also felt kinda amazing.

    I haven’t had this experience in many years, I don’t know if it’s because I stopped trying or I just grew up and became immune as an boring adult. :)

    -Daniel

  3. hello beautiful Victoria <3
    It's amazing to read this because I have had an experience similar to this and had passed it off as losing my mind on a psychedelic. I am so glad that you have put insight into it for me. My experience(that I was fully submerged in without warning)was that I was the main actress of my reality and had been the whole time I'd existed. I was walking through a crowd of people and I was seeing them all looking at me and clapping as if I was done with my play and had done a splendid job. The feeling of it was exactly how you describe-separated and lonely, but a very interesting and helpful perspective.