The Grandest Illusion Ever Played
When I was very young I came up with this heinous idea that would follow me through out the rest of my life. I was seven, and I created a lemonade stand. I was walking from my home to the lawn when suddenly I became deathly afraid as I became aware that my perception was cracked wide open. Life appeared fake and I was watching every move I made from somewhere that was not through my own physical two eyes. Even the fact that I was alive in this environment was so strange to little me. I all of a sudden felt very separate from anyone around me… even from my own body and mind. (Doesn’t this sound like the definition of Depersonalization Disorder?)
At that moment and from then on, I kept a close eye on others lives growing up around me in elementary, middle school and high school. I realized that the scenes going on around me appeared just that- scenes. Those around me were actors of their own lives. They were so engulfed in the acting, that they forgot who they truly are as eternal beings. I even found myself consciously choosing to try and step into the scene, because it looked fun to do every once in a while. In doing so, I realized that I answered a certain question. “Why, if we know everything, would we choose to forget it?”… it’s so fun and thrilling to delve into learning and experiencing things in this way. Most of the time though, I preferred to sit back, with out speaking, and observe the people around me.
I came to realize how exactly it was that I was viewing the world. Most every person lived with in a certain theme because a lifetime on earth is like going to a movie… You pick the movie that you want to see and there are genres. You could choose into romance, horror, drama, tragedy, comedy, simple and quaint plotted- depending on what you want to experience… you even find the types of movies that are comedies and tragedies at the same time, the type of movie that you aren’t sure whether to laugh or cry in. You have the ability to forget that it’s only a movie and you become completely immersed in the storyline, essentially forgetting yourself. You have the ability to stay conscious of this fact though too. Sometimes you fall in and out of knowing. Some people have gotten up in order to leave early if it gets too hard or scary, while others have figured out that they can get up at any point and choose a new genre if they feel like it. There is nothing wrong with anything you choose.
Could it be the Ego that defines whether you are immersing yourself or observing?
As much as I would love to expand on this subject and let it unfold more, you may find yourself expanding your understandings in this area all on your own and I am here and ready to listen to and discuss your discoveries!
**Just remember that you have full ability, whenever you wish during this movie, to turn the lights on and become aware of reality once more … and not everyone wants to be interrupted during their show, so be aware. ;)
Victoria Hope McLellan (Patchgirl)