Unless you were raised by wolves, you most likely heard things like this…
Don’t do that, shame on you, that’s a bad girl (or boy), eat that because there are kids starving in Africa, look what you did, do it because I said so, or go to your room.
You concluded based on this kind of treatment that something is wrong with you. You concluded that if nothing were wrong with you, no one would treat you that way. You become determined to fix what is wrong with you so you can be treated the way you want to be treated… so you can be loved.
This cycle is called “socialization”
Socialization influences us to the belief that to be loved, we must be GOOD.
But also that our only hope of being good is to be PUNISHED
What’s more than that, our only hope of being good is to punish ourselves when we are bad, because without self punishment, bad would triumph over good. Soon, in order to be good, we replace the punishment our caregivers implement in our young lives with a self regulation system; a system of self blame and self punishment.
We call this system…GUILT.
In this episode, Teal goes on to tell us that there is even more to the story of guilt. She tells us that guilt is the veneer which is laid over a set of even worse core beliefs which also come from this childhood socialization pattern… As a child, the assumption you make based on the limited understanding you have when your caregivers punish you, is that you must deserve it. Otherwise, it would not be happening to you. Because of this, the core beliefs which are at the heart of all guilt are as follows:
1. I DESERVE PUNISHMENT
2. I DESERVE TO SUFFER
3. I DON’T DESERVE TO BE HAPPY
4. I DON”T DESERVE TO BE LOVED.
Teal then goes on to explain that guilt is self abuse.