Ask Teal – Deserving vs. Entitlement

In this episode of Ask Teal the topic is: Deserving
The biggest roadblock to achieving a anything you want is feeling as if you don’t deserve it.  The belief “I don’t deserve” is a collective human disorder.  This pattern of feeling as if you don’t deserve also normally begins in childhood.  This pattern begins in childhood, when we come to the conclusion that if we aren’t getting something, we must not deserve it.
Children are led to believe that to be loved they must be “good”.  What this means to a child when they are not feeling love from an adult is that they must be “bad”.  And we make a special point in society of letting children know that children that are bad do not deserve good things.  This is a form of punishment I like to call withholding.
We are socialized into the belief that the only people who believe that they deserve things are entitled and therefore bad people.  When we form the belief that to be loved we must be good and that only bad people think they deserve things, we decide that it is important that no matter what we do, we don’t let ourselves think that we deserve things.  We think that surely, if we operate from the belief that we don’t deserve things, it will make us more lovable.  We mistake this choice for humility and so we begin to punish ourselves (like we’ve been taught that good people do) with this form of abuse called withholding.
For those of us who can’t quite shake the belief that to think you deserve something automatically makes you an entitled, selfish person, it is very important to distinguish between entitlement and deserving.
Deserving is the deep, internal knowing that one is worthy of what one needs and wants.  Therefore the belief that you do not deserve something is an issue of not feeling worthy.  In other words it’s a self worth issue.  The person who believes that they deserve something has self worth.  Conversely, the person who believes that they do not deserve something does not have self worth.
Entitlement is the belief that one has a right to claim what one deserves from others.  Therefore, entitlement is not a belief which has anything to do with true deserving.  A person who feels as if they deserve something, also has the self worth to trust that they can get whatever they want without having to take it from anyone or anything else.  A person who feels entitled, has a deep insecurity about their own ability to get whatever they want and this leads them to cover over their insecurity with both pride and the arrogant thought that they deserve to have it provided for them by others.
Teal goes on to explain that this universe that we live in does not operate in terms of deserving or not deserving.  Your deserving was not, is not and never will be in question.  It is an absolute given.  There was never, is never and will never be a time that you did not deserve love.  There was never, is never and will never be a time that you do not deserve happiness.  You deserve to have anything you could ever want the minute that you want it.  The reason we do not get what we want in life has absolutely nothing to do with whether we deserve it or not.  It has to do with whether or not we believe we deserve it.


  1. Your message brought tears to my eyes, I think I really needed to hear it. You have been an inspiration to me over the past three months and I thank you for it. All the best for your journey.