Are you one of those people who says “Sorry” a lot? Do you say it even when you aren’t at fault?
This 2010 study in the journal Psychological Science has a theory: “women have a lower threshold for what constitutes offensive behaviour”.
Basically this means that we feel that we should apologize for situations that don’t really warrant an apology, everyday situations especially those requiring you to be more direct, like when asking for a raise or even asking someone to pass the salt. Sometimes we say sorry because we want to avoid or end conflict or confrontation.
Here are some really great reasons why saying sorry should be rethought and used less often:
Saying sorry all the time actually devalues its purpose. Saying sorry too easily or too often or when something isn’t your fault turns the word into something meaningless.
A sincere apology is powerful and from the heart, and saying or hearing it too often will eventually cause the word to hold no value. You want an apology to happen when it’s important, not because you think it’s rude to have an opinion or want someone’s assistance. Use the word when it’s meant to be used.
Not only does the word lose value, but we devalue ourselves by saying it so often! Apologizing when it is not warranted actually tells the other person that we think they are worth more than we are and indicates a low self-esteem.
You are not here to apologize on other people’s behalves and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being self-assured enough to not say sorry for someone else’s mistakes. If someone else steps on your toe or knocks you in the subway, don’t apologize, it’s not your fault! Stop devaluing yourself.
You cannot use sorry as a way to fix a situation or resolve conflict, it doesn’t work. Saying “sorry” to end an argument or not cause a scene is sometimes necessary, but we should rather work to resolve it or find a solution.
Avoiding it only causes it to drag out and come up again at a later stage. And if you aren’t really sorry it will bug you too. Sorry can also be used to manipulate a situation, often used to avoid a certain topic, eg: “I said I’m sorry, what else do you want from me?”.
This is usually a very insincere and weak apology used to stop a undesired result without reaching any form of resolution or conclusion.
If you are a person who constantly says “sorry” you will eventually be labelled as someone who is mistake prone and someone who is incompetent. Your self-perception will be effected, the more you say something, the more you start to become it!
So what can you say instead of “sorry”?
- “Excuse Me” or “Pardon”
- “Thank you”
- “That’s a pity”
- “I regret”
- Say nothing, a knowing glance says a lot!
- “Unfortunately” or “It’s Unfortunate”
H/T: Life Hack