Words of Affirmation
Positive reinforcement works for a reason – we respond well to that contagious energy that is positivity. It’s like when someone laughs and that makes you laugh, we are naturally drawn to what makes us feel good.
Saying kind, genuine affirmations to your partner will make them feel good about themselves when it comes from the heart. Often we say things because we want to be heard or we want the recognition for what we’re doing.
These remarks, observations, compliments or anything of the like hold meaning when they are specific. Think about the core of what you love about them, and describe how it makes you feel.
When I told my partner they were amazing I got met with the response “Amazing at what?”
Acts of Service
This can look like a lot of things from doing the dishes to rubbing feet – the point is, you should want to do it. The joy you bring to your partner when you take something off their plate is an act of service. Do something for your partner because it brings them joy, which in turn brings you joy.
When we do something because we want to be recognized or want some level of affection, say what you want rather than trying to get it through an act of service.
Be transparent and forthcoming about what you want. That is an act of service that takes practice and persistence. Being yourself is an act of service. Being ‘real’ is an act of service. Anything that brings some degree of ease to your partner could be considered an act of service.
Do what you feel compelled to do because you want to not because it gets you off the hook.
Some would consider an act of service as a gift – but this is more “something I am giving to you, rather than something I am doing for you.” This can look like giving anything from a personalized present to flowers, chocolate, something you know your partner likes. Gift giving can be used both to create special moments and to try to get out of something you did. When we give without meaning, our gifts are meaningless.
Doing this because you truly want to is key in a successful relationship and that fractals out to all aspects of your life.
There is an ebb and flow of giving and receiving and sometimes we need to ask for what we want. We can’t assume everyone knows how we are feeling so it is our responsibility to let them know. It’s almost a punishment to not engage with our partners.
It’s almost a punishment to not engage with our partners.
On some level – it is a punishment, and this translates to everything from eye contact, body language and the engagement during intercourse. Giving your undivided attention to your partner is a gift, an act of service and one of the best ways to show them love. It’s incredibly easy but the design of our society ensures the constant stimulation of our brains. Put your phone away, concentrate and listen deeply to what your partner has to say because this is something you should want to do.
If you don’t feel compelled to do these things in your relationship, carefully evaluate the reasons you are in it and account for the joys versus the stress. Every relationship has its ‘ups and downs’ thats how motion continues forward, but if you are feeling there is more negative than positive – that equation needs to be balanced.
This is an incredibly powerful tool that can be easily misused. We’ve all been guilty of trying to get a kiss while our partners are mad at us – and it can work.
Depending on the nature of your relationship, physical touch can be the dominate reason for being in it in the first place. Our hormones draw us together, naturally we are meant to be close, to be open and vulnerable. It is so crucial to be able to read the energies of when it’s appropriate to physically connect with someone.
Even just touching someone’s hand or shoulder, see how they react to it. The more you carefully and deeply observe peoples energies towards things you do and say the more you learn how to navigate communication.
Having a sexual experience of any capacity holds an immense amount of energy, and when our intent is focused on what we want – we can make it happen. Having a constant, open stream of communication with your partner makes everything enjoyable, understandable and real.
Based on the 5 love languages.