Our struggles are essential for our continued development and spiritual growth. All experience is just opportunity; it enables us to learn and develop. At this point you may think that we’re just saying this so that we can look at struggle in a positive light, and of course, why wouldn’t we? Nothing good comes from perceiving struggles as something negative. You see, as soon as we accept that struggle is negative, we draw in negative energy. Don’t add to your struggles by doing this.

“You’re going to go through tough times – that’s life. But I say, ‘Nothing happens to you, it happens for you.’ See the positive in negative events.” – Joel Osteen

Heartbreak following an unsuccessful relationship is a great example of a tough time. Usually after bad breakups, individuals can feel lost, hurt and disappointed. Here are some common things which occur after these breakups, when your emotions and thoughts are running wild:

Denial

There can be a tendency to be in denial; being unsure if it’s really the end. Sometimes your brain will tell you to try and make things work because you don’t want to give up on love.

Although there are a number of relationships that are stronger than ever, after an initial breakup, you have to ask yourself if the person that you’re involved with is healthy for your being.

Your gut instinct is usually a good indicator of whether they are or not. You see, energy doesn’t lie. Behind all our conscious thoughts, after silencing the mind, we can listen directly to our soul. Our soul always knows what’s best for us.

Hatred

Hate is strong term and we don’t really like using it, but that’s how many people often describe feeling when they’ve been hurt by others. Part of you may feel anger towards your ex (or even a whole gender) – especially if they did something directly to hurt you, such as cheat on you.

This can lead to insecurity or feeling inadequate. Remember, you are beautiful from your physicality, to your mind, your heart and your soul. If someone doesn’t appreciate your beauty, it’s not meant for them. Self-love is important here. Sometimes people can’t love us in the way we want, or give us the love that we deserve, but you always can.

Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. And as we’ll discuss below, don’t you dare blame yourself and say “Am I not good enough?” All feelings of hatred are related to ego; they are not healthy for us. They attract further negativity as we mentioned in the first paragraph.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

Disappointment

Often a product of confusion created by analysis of the breakup, we can be left disappointed. We can end up questioning why things didn’t work out in the way they should of. 

“What went wrong? Why did they do it? They said they loved me! Why would they let this end?”

Relationships take a lot of time and effort. You put so much into a relationship that when it ends due to a bad breakup, you can feel like you’ve almost thrown all your hard work away and wasted heaps of time.

No time is ever wasted and during the course of this most, we’ll learn that heartbreaks come with great wisdom and opportunities for fulfillment.

Self-blame

It’s common for people to blame themselves after a bad breakup. “Maybe if I was more attentive, they wouldn’t have decided to leave.” You can come up with a number of reasons to why things didn’t work out, but blaming yourself is never the answer.

You possess attributes and qualities that are specific to you. Although we can always better ourselves, we should never make ourselves feel small. Some people are right for each other, others are not.

Those that are right for each other establish a strong connection between them. If the connection is weak or someone has broken it, you can’t blame them.

You wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t as strongly connected to you, as you are to them. And you can’t blame yourself or them, for it.

Anti-love

This is a very typical reaction from someone coming out of a bad breakup. You often hear people say “Forget love, I don’t want to feel like this ever again!” This is the tendency to assume that all relationships end badly and cause pain. If that’s what you think, that what you’ll get! One or more relationships do not define all relationships. Don’t close the book on love, there’s still so many pages to go! Have faith!

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” – Marilyn Monroe

As you can see, the grieving process following a bad breakup can consist of a lot of negative thoughts and ideas, implemented by your own mind. But you cannot be blamed. The pain you feel is very real. Unfortunately that pain isn’t always easy to remove either, especially if you had developed a deep connection with someone.

You have all these memories and moments with them, a routine that you developed with them, trust that you put into them, time invested in them and so much more. It’s hard to just throw that all away and forget about it. We know it’s not easy. You may wonder when or whether, the feeling of sadness will ever pass. But it will, because time is the greatest healer there is. And although you won’t want to hear that at the time of your breakup because it’s unhelpful, it’s still true.

Tips

Apart from some of the stuff we’ve already mentioned, here are 8 things you should do to make recovering from a bad breakup easier:

1. Let your emotions free. They are no good trapped inside. Do this in whatever way possible. Reach out to close friends or even family. Talk things over and gain some insightful perspective to help you move on. Or just have a healthy conversation to help you feel better.

2. Stop analysing and over-thinking. You cannot change what’s happened. The past is the past, leave it there. No matter how much you think about it or try and justify what happened, it will not change it.

“To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over. No matter how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it…it’s over. It can hurt you no more.” – Mandy Hale

3. Distance yourself. Don’t be tempted to text, call or check-up on your ex. You need time and space to yourself, to move on. Remaining in contact will not allow you to do this affectively. It’s unfair on you. Even looking at their whereabouts (which holds no valid positive intent) will only make you feel worse; by either reactivating old memories or putting ideas into your head.

4. Keep occupied. Spend time with people you love, doing the things you love and just generally keeping busy. The more time we have to ourselves, the more time we tend to spend adding poisonous thoughts into our head.

5. Accept that your love was real and it was a gift. Nothing was fake. If it was, you wouldn’t have given or felt pure energy from the love you experienced. It was all very real and it was a blessing. You had good moments, you learnt so much about yourself, others, love and how to love.

6. Take care of yourself. Not just mentally, but physically. Do exercise, eat well, laugh, read, meditate, etc. Do whatever you have to do to maintain a healthy outlook. It’s all about feeling good and boosting your happy hormones.

7. Learn from the experience and let go. People come into our lives for a reason. They teach us what we need to know. Time will eventually make you realise that there is a lot to be learned from your relationship. As hard as it may seem after the breakup, you should try and appreciate that the experience provides valuable knowledge. Those who often choose their partners carefully can vouch for this.

They know exactly who and what will give them fulfillment, because they recognise the types of individuals that won’t. This is usually from bad relationships and breakups in the past. Heartbreak offers great wisdom.

8. Accept that you will be stronger. You’ll not only be wiser but you’ll also be stronger. When you’re at a point of feeling low, you have to learn to deal with it on your own. You also have to depend on yourself to get back up. Therefore, if you ever come across that same situation again, it will have less of a detrimental affect on you, as you’re new found wisdom and strength won’t allow it.

“I’m thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength.” – Alex Elle

By: Vex King