Many of us have been stuck at a crossroad, wondering if things will ever work out. Susan McFadzean sums up her collection of questions which helped her determine what is acceptable, where things are going and whether to stick around. The following summary is a reference of her own life – spiritually, mentally and physically.

“I think that everyone should have their own set of deal-breaker questions that they at least consider from time to time, especially when they are in a new relationship. These are like the alarm bells of time wasting in relationships—a way to see whether you’re in it for the long haul or will you be unwilling to get past these things once the honeymoon phase is over.” – Susan McFadzean

The first and foremost deal breaker – Does the person want pets? Do they like pets?

“Animals are quite literally one of the most important things in my existence so it’s safe to say they will always be around. If he doesn’t like animals and wouldn’t consider changing his mind, I’d say long-term that might be a deal breaker.”

What role do we each play in the relationship?

“I’m not going to be a lady who waits on my boyfriend/husband or whatever hand and foot.” Don’t expect dinner at 6pm, yes we can dote on and love our partner fully, but in all fairness, we no longer live in the dark ages. Women also hold high society jobs, are self sustaining and have taken on a more equal role than ever before.

This means we also come home tired from our day, it means we are entitled to have “off” days where we genuinely don’t feel up to slaving away in a kitchen or ironing your shirt. This doesn’t mean we wont do these things, it just means one shouldn’t expect it as a given. Surprise us once in a while too, we love that.

Is he the outdoors type?

“If he likes to be indoors more than out, we might run into some problems.”

There isn’t anything wrong if he prefers one more than the other, but many women love the outdoors. This could be in the form of travelling, meeting new faces, visiting new places and getting to see things that inspire us. We may enjoy curling up on the couch with a great book, but we do have that slight “wild” side that is ingrained.

“I know that sometimes relationships work really well when two people are into totally different things, I just want to have the kind of relationship where we do things together and have fun together so there needs to be at least a small amount of similarity there.”

Our views

“If he’s not okay with a possible future child telling us they’re gay or lesbian, we might clash in terms of the way we see things in the future.”

This is definitely something we should always have a conversation about. This question may unearth a whole array of differing thoughts or opinions.

Conversation

“I would love to be able to have life changing conversations with the person that I’m with—life changing conversations are so vital to my relationship energy.”

We crave conversation, be it conspiracy theories, spirituality or even travel experiences. Once you’ve learnt to love someone who loves to speak to you about the little things, the eye openers and the joy they’ve accumulated over time, it’s really hard to settle for anything less.

“It’s just important, I think, to stop every once in a while and reconnect to those things and see if we have lost sight of our own personal ethics.”

We truly need to be with that someone who uplifts our spirituality and who supports us to do the same. Once you have achieved this, you have found the one person who can be your everything. Never give up, never stop searching.

Thank you to Elephant Journal and Susan McFadzean for the inspiration to keep searching for that someone special.