As nice as it would be to live in a world where everyone is honest and transparent, the truth is, we have a long way to go with that still as a species. Something that can really help you on your journey is being able to distinguish between a lie and a truth. It is good to learn the ways to identify a lie NOW so that you don’t have to learn the hard way through experience later.
We all have an intuition and a built-in mechanism of discernment that allows us to distinguish between a lie and a truth. Knowing if someone is lying is generally easy to do. The hard part is knowing what to do about. How do you manage the feeling of being deceived? Should you say anything to them? How do you bring it up to them?
If you do bring it up to them, you run the risk of hurting them or embarrassing them. If you don’t bring it up, you have a feeling of dissonance inside you which pollutes your soul. You may also develop resentment to them down the line. And hey, maybe they will resent you one day for not calling them out on it to help them out.
So what is the proper way to call someone out when they are lying to you? Here are some good places to start:
1) Ask them the same question in a different way, implying you know that they are lying
Let’s say you want to know where your partner was last night because they got home extra late after work. You may ask something like “Hey why were you late today?” And they may say “Traffic was support awful coming home today. Went through a couple accidents”. At this point, if you know they are lying, you may want to ask a follow up question:
“Are you sure there isn’t anything else you did that made you late?”
At this point, you may get an answer like “Well I felt a bit hungry so I stopped off at a restaurant and got some food and a beer”. And then if you feel you are not getting the full truth still, continue to ask more questions.
There will come a point at which you know for certain they are lying, and that they will know you are aware they are lying. This is a great place to start with confronting someone. Continue reading