I understand the feeling, not being able to find yourself. It does make total sense, and also… It doesn’t, if you really think about it.
There are a lot of canned phrases out there that mean something other than they say.
For example, “find yourself”. Where did you go? Are you somewhere other than where you are?
Where are you?
What’s usually happening when someone feels that way is that they are doing something that they have no idea how it benefits them…. It doesn’t feel like it does, and either you can’t see the pathway to it actually benefiting you, or it actually doesn’t.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference, especially when you are ‘subject’ to someone else’s control… Like a job, or even sometimes a young person living with parents, room mates, or the like.
When you become ‘dependent’ on something, as opposed to ‘interdependent with something’, it has a tendency to control as a means of extracting the equality that the universe requires.
Interdependence requires proactive able response from both sides of the equation, like two brain surgeons working together: Both are able. But the person under the knife is dependent on the surgeon, even if he is a brain surgeon, because his response is not able (i.e it’s hard to operate on your own brain)
Not to confuse dependent with anything wrong so to say… in a dependent environment, there are things asked of you in participation of your support, like a parent insisting a child take piano lessons. The expansion is super important and supportive, even if a child can’t yet see the value in it.
The determining factor then, in a dependent enviornment, is not you though, it is the quality of the intention of the one(s) you are dependent on…
Choice at that point becomes creating the transferring of dependence or creating interdependence. Incidentally, there is no such thing as independence, and that is most often what people mean when they say “struggling to find myself”.
What is ‘the self‘? Understand that you are made up of the same fundamental geometries that weave the very fabric of consciousness itself. There is nothing separate from you; only different expressions of the same energy.