Have you eaten at the same restaurant for the last three years, but the wait staff doesn’t even know your name? Prefer to read a book in a corner rather than sit around your friends, generally being terrified of people yet so intrigued by them at the same time? Craving to sit at a table with a crowd, yet so unsure about how long you can hold a smile among others. You’re most likely an anxious extrovert!
There are a few rules which may help you come out of your shell in a comfortable manner.
Rule One: Have an awesome disguise!
This wouldn’t apply to a wig, shades or a fake mustache, seek more along the lines of confidence. The type you may not naturally possess. This simple prop may be enough to give you the feeling of security you may need to get by. A bit like acting can trigger an Adrenalin rush, being the BEST you may have the same effect!
There is a great concept of fake it til’ you make it. This doesn’t mean be an inauthentic person, but if you’re nervous, you can fake being not nervous until you truly become not nervous anymore.
Rule Two: Ask questions.
From the simple things like “how was your day?” to “what work do you do?” puts you in the lead. Most people are so trapped in their own heads, listening to their own thoughts, unsure of how to connect with others, that a little external “push” of sorts may be all they need to spark something magical.
Taking the pressure off eases the tension. Asking simple, neutral questions suddenly allows everyone to open up and join in. Returning questions are guaranteed and viola, you suddenly have a going conversation!
Rule Three: Meh and move on!
There will come a time where no matter how hard you try, you just cannot click with the person you’re chatting to. It happens! Be it the feeling of no shared interests to the other person offering nothing in return, its OK to simply walk away. You may feel anxious and babble on for a few minutes trying to save things, but let’s face it, once a conversation dies, it’s much like trying to revive an African Violet – not going to happen!
We don’t click with everyone, that would be too easy. A simple “nice chatting to you” may be all needed to get out and that’s fine. You’re more than welcome to move on to the next eager ear.
Be it at a party, social event or more, there will come a time when you simply need to come out of your shell for a while. You’re welcome to retract when you feel it’s enough for one day. That makes you human and there’s nothing wrong with that! Just be your amazing self!
Thank you to She Does The City for a brilliant summary!