They say you can’t choose your family, but your friends on the other hand is a whole different story.
Some friendships feel as if they will last forever. Friends you have known for ages, whom you can rely on in every kind of situation. They are your partner in crime, the piece that make you whole, in some cases you could even call them your other half.
You experience adventures together, trust the other without a shadow of a doubt, you would even jump through a burning hoop if necessary. Because you and your good friend are like two peas in a pot.
And then suddenly, it becomes clear that everything is shifting. You realized you are drifting apart, choosing different ways and it does not feel like it used to.
It is not something that happens over night, but the moment of realization can hit you like bomb.
How is this possible? You did not have a fight or a disagreement. You can’t think of anything that could have caused this change.
It can occur because you have been completely oblivious towards your own behavior while the other friend has noticed it a lot.
Some friendships end because one is too busy and the other side feels neglected. Others end because they can’t posses the ability to say ‘sorry’. You also have the ones that drift apart because they do not feel supported by their friend.
In some occasions, an end of a friendship can feel like losing a loved one. In some ways this is exactly what happens because a person you loved dearly is not in your life anymore.
The five stages of loss and grieve can apply here. We start with denying the fact that the relationship has changed. Then we enter the second stage of being upset or angry, perhaps with the other person or maybe with yourself. ”Why did this happen or Who is to blame?!”
Then we lead into the third phase of bargaining, also called the what if phase. You start to think back and ask yourself what if you had done this or what if you had done that. This is a phase that most likely won’t give you the answers you are looking for.
Because of that the forth phase comes depression. In this phase you are most likely to reminisce about the times you two had together. Thoughts drift in, making you realize a friendship like you had can never be found again. Quite similar to a romantic breakup or having the feeling of being dumped; we feel alone.
This doesn’t look like sitting with a box of tissues or crying your eyes out and eating a carton of ice cream. It is the feeling of loss or missing something that was once a part of you.
After every dark tunnel, you are bound to find a light at the end. And so the final phase is acceptance; the phase we can learn the most from. This is when you look back at the friendship you had and all the positive things it brought along.
Even looking back at the not so positive moments and realizing how much you have grown from them. When you reach that stage, in some ways, you can become a much more understanding person.
You can start appreciating the fact that friendships, like any relationship, functions like mirrors.
They will always reflect the good and the bad aspects about yourself. While some mirrors are permanent, others are only meant to reflect for a certain amount of time. It’s all about the ebb and flow of energy and the growth that comes from it in the end.